In the past month, I've felt a lot of shifts happening in my life. I've evolved from being a student, to being a teacher, and from being a follower, to being a leader.
And yet, I still carry on my back my former identities, realizing that I am still what I was last year. As a teacher, I must learn how to be a catalyst to my students. As a leader, I must follow the needs of those who are under my charge.
And yet, I still carry on my back my former identities, realizing that I am still what I was last year. As a teacher, I must learn how to be a catalyst to my students. As a leader, I must follow the needs of those who are under my charge.
Is this the burden of the wise fool? To lead younger fools, while in full knowledge that you know no more than any of them?
As I watch my students and my friends going through the same difficulties (yet always through different paths) that I did last year, I can help wanting to “save” them. I want so badly to explain to them why everything is going to be okay, to tell them that they’ll be better and alright in the end, to remind them that God loves them and is with them to hold their hands every step of the way. Yet, I know that words and explanations are useless. Not because they would not listen, but because there is a reason for the voyage to be long and filled with hardships. We all must suffer into truth.
As I watch my students and my friends going through the same difficulties (yet always through different paths) that I did last year, I can help wanting to “save” them. I want so badly to explain to them why everything is going to be okay, to tell them that they’ll be better and alright in the end, to remind them that God loves them and is with them to hold their hands every step of the way. Yet, I know that words and explanations are useless. Not because they would not listen, but because there is a reason for the voyage to be long and filled with hardships. We all must suffer into truth.
I’m glad I made a makeshift scrapbook last year, of various scraps of paper and thoughts of the day. It helps to remind me where I’ve been.
As I retrace back through the books I read last year, making notes beside last year’s notes, I see the mark on the door frame that shows I’m just a bit taller than I was last year. Yet in some ways, though my understanding of just how little I know has increased, I can’t help feeling a little bit threadbare. Like a room under renovation whose workers stalled further progress after tearing it all down, I am waiting to be finished. I am waiting for the Renovator to finish his work, so I can be more than an austere, empty space fit only for suitcases and odd bits of furniture.
As I retrace back through the books I read last year, making notes beside last year’s notes, I see the mark on the door frame that shows I’m just a bit taller than I was last year. Yet in some ways, though my understanding of just how little I know has increased, I can’t help feeling a little bit threadbare. Like a room under renovation whose workers stalled further progress after tearing it all down, I am waiting to be finished. I am waiting for the Renovator to finish his work, so I can be more than an austere, empty space fit only for suitcases and odd bits of furniture.
"we all must suffer into truth". How cruelly correct.
ReplyDeleteaberlyn and I were talking just yesterday about how we tend to want to fix what's wrong or change direction really fast so we can avoid experiencing the pain of failure. But receiving love in the midst of pain and learning to take on strength while there is nothing for the present but to endure with hope- that produces godly character, because we only grow in that place when we encounter the heart of God.
ReplyDelete"we are diamonds waiting to be found."