If you are a normal reader who doesn't really care about details, please skip down to the next large star. *
I have to make a decision today.
I've gotten several emails from an English professor about a project going on at the Virginia Ball Center. http://vernacularmemorials.weebly.com/
How cool is that? But it takes up all of your time and only covers about 9-12 credit hours toward my creative writing major or honors core requirements.
I talked with my discrete systems professor, Dr. Stankewitz about my Creative Writing - Mathematics pairing, and he suggested I take a class from Brent Blackwell, and English professor with a wide range of knowledge in mathematics as well. He is teaching a course this fall that fits an honors college core requirement, HONRS 296.
"This is an interdisciplinary examination of some of the most important ideas of the physical sciences and mathematics in the past two centuries. Since the advent of modern calculus, concepts such as non-Euclidean geometry, topology, quantum mechanics, relativity and spacetime, logical paradoxes like Schrödinger’s cat, and Gödel’s incompleteness theorem have pushed specialists towards great insight, while baffling laypeople. As a group, we’ll explore these concepts within a general contemporary context and examine how they provide insight to tackle a broad range of pressing modern problems ranging from plasma containment or faster than light travel to genocide, war, politics, and religion. We will utilize a variety of texts along the way from scientific to literary."
Sounds pretty swell, right? And, this would allow me to take Calc 3 with Stankewitz, and I really like his teaching style.
Gah.
And, I'll only have room in my 4-yr plan enough to do one Virginia Ball Center project. (If I even have room for it at all!) So... if I do this one, I won't be able to do any others. What if an even cooler one comes along? What if one involving mathematics comes along? I won't be able to do it.
*
I'm starting to realize that, as much as I love being double-jointed, being split between math and english makes me practically unable to make a name for myself in either department because I can't put the time and energy into either. I could be joining clubs, getting things published, making friends with professors, etc. ... but I'm a little busy just trying to keep my nose above water.
[Do I even want to join clubs and get things published? Sometimes I think all that's just a bunch of phooey and takes away from the true successes of life. Like winning the car-kicking game.]
Maybe I should just minor in creative writing.
But, am I really cut out for pure mathematics?
Could I work on a math problem for a year and fail to prove anything and not stick my head in an oven?
I need to do something that has a tangible effect.
Do I even truly like mathematics, or is it something i've just always had and think I should keep having around?
If I take a semester to do a VBC project, I could be frittering away valuable time that I could be using to figure out what the heck I'm doing! If majoring in Mathematics isn't for me, I need to figure that out pretty darn soon.
I guess I always knew this day would come. I need to make at least this decision, this decision for this coming semester...
but I know every well that the decision I make today could effect the rest of my college experience.
I picked the wrong week to become re-disconnected with God. I really need his guidance and I just don't feel like he has any answers to give me. I've stopped asking, and I'm not sure if that's because I've stopped leaning on him or because I know very well that God expects me to do the best I can with what I have. I think he's given me a map, and all I want is a GPS.
Bah. Bah, I say.
I know this blog post isn't entertaining or wise, but I guess this post wasn't for any of you, it was for me to sketch out a few things.
On a side note, the paper for my math class.... that was supposed to be on communication which I wrote mostly about communism... got a 100. Stankewitz liked it so much he read the last sentence to the class.
I'm probably prouder of this than anything else I've turned in for any class all year. Not simply because it got a good grade... but because it was a risk (as I think all great work is) and it paid off. And because it was writing and math in harmony... and I can't ask for a better assignment than that.
Speaking of which, I have to give a presentation of my dreams and goals tonight for Dr. Stedman's class (the one mentioned in a previous blog post, for which I turned in a paper saying I would quit school and marry rich). I'm hoping I can somehow get by with not having anything more figured out than when I first splashed onto this campus.
This week is car-kicking week, but I've been so worried about sorting this stuff out that I only have 6 points.
Sigh. I'm a failure.
