Sunday, February 13, 2011

Pre-wise ; Post-wise

Last night I saw the reflection of spidery twigs from trees in a puddle on a road.
I just stopped . dead in my tracks, without really knowing why at first.
Then I thought back... to the last time I had stopped to absorb the intricacy of this image
this image of winter thawing
and what had I thought about the world back then?
what complexities in my life had I been ruminating?
it just seems like a time so far away.
this has been a decade of a year.
I catch myself before saying that my life was simpler back then; it wasn't.
It would be easy to say that I was more innocent or more naive then,
but I'm not sure if that's the case.
It may be.
Maybe I was a little more…  pre-wise.
but then maybe I'm now a little bit post-wise in some ways.
There are some things I feel myself unlearning, forgetting
that maybe it's better that I keep. 

Innocence is a greenhouse plant
grown from careful seed
sown of fallen fathers and mothers
who did things they wouldn't
wish on their daughters.
You have to graft on to stay alive
I hope you graft on to something Good. 
---
The only things separating you and I are the books we've read,
the people we've met, and time.
--
I don't really believe that.
---
Why do we make decisions we would never
wish upon our sons and daughters?
Next time you think about doing something harmful and you think
you're only hurting yourself, please think of two things for me:
think about the son or daughter that will inherit your self-inflicted fractures
(because they will)
and think about the poor prophet who is, right now, somewhere praying for you,
who feels every ounce of your pain though you may never know it.
Have pity for them and act wisely.
Do you really think that, right now, there isn't someone praying for you?
Do your really think that there isn't someone right now who is tied
to your heart's well-being?
--
 "I mean, that book of yours is cool and everything,
but you can't depend entirely on leaves and berries." 

"I don't know if you want to depend on much more than that."
I was watching Into the Wild on Friday and those lines struck me.
 --
I got blindsided by finding out some off-setting news Saturday morning, and I've been reeling ever since.
It's a long story, but it involves me going on a midnight crusade across campus
to rip down
advertisements that demean women. My thoughts are still a little scattered,
but I feel
that something else in me is coming into focus.  Maybe.
It's taking its sweet time to get there.